A lot of men bail when it comes to dealing with women's defenses or insecurities citing that "she's crazy." Too many times, good women are "dismissed" because the man has sexual desire but no patience or coping skills to love her through her imperfections.
For example, I get incredibly tickled and simultaneously insulted when a man says he can't understand why a woman is still upset about some horrible thing he's done to betray her trust....citing that, "I'm not like that anymore."
But what he fails to either realize or accept is that he's planted seeds that have not been uprooted. These seeds are at the very core of what makes a woman feel connected in a relationship. The uprooting process is what it means to take her defenses down. AND YES, even if you didn't put them there, could you do it for the team?
My plea to brothers is something that requires a lot of courage and bravery. It challenges everything in your 'man rules' that have shaped many of your attitudes towards women....but give it a try anyway...dare to be different: If you don't intend to love her in that way, at least don't use her and add to her defenses. Handle your loneliness another way; not by using some woman who is seeking a real relationship, not at the expense of a woman just because you don't care for her in that way. You'll find that you will reap what you sow, attract better "karma" and just be a better man because of it.
Get a hobby. A second job. Go kick it with the boys. But if you're not sure about your intentions with the woman you're seeing, tell her....ASAP and LET HER GO!...before her heart is broken. Quit baiting and dropping her and by ALL means, don't just STOP calling, or send a "I'm done" text. Step up, call her, say this is not working for me and YOU bear the brunt of whether or not you did the right thing. Its cruel and very boyish to leave her wondering what happened to you.
If you need help with that, HOLLA AT ME! I do life coaching and will help you craft a message to break it to her appropriately.
But any happy man will tell you, when he works through her defenses with her, she's like putty in his hands....in the BEST way. Those insecurities dissolve and she's free to love you without fear. But sometimes it takes a minute to get to that. Its not a sign of 'weakness' its humanness. No one wants to work with anyone through their humanness. We want everyone fixed and perfect when they get to us... That's just not reality. The sooner daters recognize this, the better.